Affirmation & social transition
Discover how to support your teen so they can live in their authentic gender, without medical intervention.
How your child expresses themselves
Expressions of gender diversity and trans identities may emerge at any age and can change over time.
Some youth understand their gender differently and feel a strong need to express it. These youth may require some professional support outside of the family. They may also require a social support plan involving families, schools, peers, and in some cases, care providers. If your child has asked for help regarding their gender, it’s important to listen and respond positively.
Affirmation
For trans, Two-Spirit A term used within some Indigenous communities to reflect complex Indigenous understandings of gender and sexuality and the long history of sexual and gender diversity in Indigenous cultures. Two-Spirit encompasses sexual, gender, cultural and spiritual identity. It may refer to cross-gender, multi-gender or non-binary gender roles, non-heterosexual identities, and a range of cultural identities, roles and practices embodied by Two-Spirit peoples. Some people also use "2-Spirit" or "2S." (Source: Battered Women’s Support Services) and non-binary Umbrella term referring to people whose gender does not fall within the binary gender system of woman/girl or man/boy. Some individuals identify as non-binary while others may use terms such as gender non-conforming, genderqueer, or agender. Non-binary people may or may not conform to societal expectations for their gender expression and gender role, and they may or may not seek gender-affirming medical or surgical care. youth, the need for support around gender affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. can be gradual or sudden.
Sometimes, social affirmation is about the youth changing how they show themselves to the world. Other times, affirmation is about the people around them understanding, accepting and affirming the gender the youth has always known. This could look like your child sharing and having discussions with you around their experiences of their own gender. Your child may not need or want any changes.
Making space to talk about gender and allowing for changing expression can be very meaningful for a gender-diverse youth. Many youth will avoid conversations if they think it will upset or disappoint a parent or caregiver.
The importance of affirmation
Affirmation of a youth’s gender by other people in their life contributes to wellbeing.
- Affirmation allows youth to explore their gender more fully, without shame or fear of judgment.
- Affirmation is flexible. For example, a youth who tries new names and pronouns may decide those changes are not right for them. They might begin using their previous name and pronouns again or try different names and pronouns.
- Adolescence is an important time for self-discovery, and gender development is a natural part of this process.
Social transition
Some youth and their families may take steps beyond affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. in order to support the youth’s authentic gender. Social transition describes non-medical changes a person may make as part of their gender journey. This journey is different for every person. Social transition is an aspect of transition that can be explored at any age.
There are a range of social transition options that can help one feel aligned with their gender. These include:
- Changing gender expression How a person outwardly communicates their gender, including name and pronoun choice, style of dress, and voice modulation. (Source: QMUNITY) — Such as their clothing or hairstyle.
- Changing their pronouns and name — They may or may not want to use or try out a different name or different pronouns.
- Changing how they access gendered community or school spaces — Such as washrooms, change rooms, sports teams or clubs
- Changing speech — Changes to speech may present a more masculine, feminine or androgynous gender expression.
- Binding, packing, tucking or padding — They may use these non-surgical options to alter their gender expression.
- Hair removal from the face or body — The presence or absence of hair can be a significant part of gender expression. There are short and long-term options to address body and facial hair.
- ID change — Over time, it may become important for your child to update the name, gender markers or both on their identity documents.
Each child and family’s needs, journey and preferences are different. For some families social transition may be something that doesn’t require any outside support. Other families may benefit from the involvement of care providers, such as family doctors, pediatricians, psychologists or counsellors.
Is social transition the right choice?
Parents often wonder whether social transition is the right decision for their child. Here, we address some common questions and concerns:
Children as young as two or three can know and express their authentic gender. There is no particular age that children need to reach before they are ready to live in their authentic gender.
Listen to what your child tells you about their gender and how they want to express it. If they are clearly expressing their need for support around transition or to be affirmed in their authentic gender, pay attention to these signs.
For more information reach the Safety and Privacy section.
Each youth's process is different. There may be name changes (more than once) and pronoun changes (more than once). There may be new hairstyles, makeup or clothes as your child explores their gender. Some youth may ask for a binder or breast forms.
They may want to make many changes all at once or explore little by little. Listen to what your child needs to feel affirmed in their gender, and let them decide how fast or slow they want things to happen. Some may wish to wait to transition socially until after they have initiated affirming medical care.
It’s possible that your child changes their mind. When children explore their gender, they may try various social transition options. Some of what they try may not feel like the right fit for them. Social transition steps are flexible, allowing your child to step back, figure out what feels right for them and move forward in another direction that may be more aligned with their authentic self.
Some families find reassurance in social transition by speaking with a counsellor, pediatrician or other health care professional.
When children who express certainty about their gender are supported in socially transitioning and given room to change and continue gender development and exploration over time, their feelings of distress and anxiety typically improve.
Finding supportive counsellors, medical providers and other care team members can be an important part of supporting parents, youth and families. If you are seeking resources for your family, the Trans Care BC health navigators can help.
Supporting social transition
If your child has expressed a need to socially transition and wants help, here are some questions to consider:
- Is your child able to express themselves? It’s important to create space to talk and better understand what your child is feeling. Non-judgmental conversations about gender and gender expression How a person outwardly communicates their gender, including name and pronoun choice, style of dress, and voice modulation. (Source: QMUNITY) help create a feeling of safety and belonging for trans youth.
- What exactly is your child asking for? Do they need little adjustments or very big steps?
- Are there little and doable things that can happen right now?
- What would need to change so that your child can live fully in their authentic gender?
- Are there any wellness or safety concerns that need to be addressed?
- Who else can support your family (for example, extended family, friends, the school or a counsellor)?
- What is coming up for you? What support do you need as you support your child?
Some families proceed fairly smoothly through social affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. or transition without help from health care professionals. Other families seek out counselling or peer support for their child, themselves or both.
Contact our team of experienced health navigators for information about gender-affirming care in B.C.